remember when I was a child, I heard the most violent nursery rhyme that one could ever imagine.
On the tree Top;
When the wind blows,
The cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks,
The cradle will fall;
Down will come baby,
Cradle and all!
The bough broke first for us in 1980. I had just married the most beautiful woman in the world, January 26th of that year. My wife, Crystal, was pregnant with our first child. We had just accepted the Lord together as Seventh-day Adventists, bought a house down the street from her brother, Robert, and contemplated enrollment at Oakwood University.
I walked back down to my house, got into my car, and headed up to the in-laws, supposing everyone was there. As I drove up the road, my father -in-law passed me with a car full of family, going in the opposite direction with incredible speed! Despite this, I continued to the in-laws house, with hopes of finding someone there. No one answered the door. I thought to myself, that’s odd. So I headed back home, thinking that my father-in-law was perhaps taking Crystal home when he passed me.
I was not prepared for what I was about to see. I turned the corner to my street and saw emergency vehicles at Robert’s house. What’s worse, the pastor of the church was there, dressed in a suit. It was then that I knew something had gone horribly wrong.
I got out of my car. Made my way past the paramedics. I found Robert in his bedroom, dead from a gunshot wound to the head! He had been deceased for hours.
The terror of that day was indescribable! Absolutely devastated from shock of the moment, it suddenly occurred to me that I needed to check on my wife. She was in the third trimester of her pregnancy. If anything could move her to early labor and delivery, or worse, it would certainly be this. So, I rushed out of the room where Robert lay, and found my wife, incredibly strong and composed, comforting her mother.
I felt so terribly bad for her mom! What a Mother’s Day present, to find her only son dead from a gunshot wound! Crystal was strong and composed, even at the funeral. However, two-weeks later, she had the worst break down I had ever witnessed. Since then, over a twenty-year period, the bough just kept breaking on us.
1988 – Crystal’s biological dad, Carl Sr. died
1992 – My mother, Mattie, died
1996 – My father, James, died
2000 – Both Crystal’s adoptive dad, William, and her uncle, Thomas, died the same day
2010 – Crystal’s nephew, Sterling, was shot to death at his home
2015 – Crystal’s grandmother, Florine died at 100 years old
2017 – My brother, George died
2019 – My oldest sister, Rita died
2021 – Crystal’s cousin Sheba died of COVID-19 complications in February
2021 – My aunt, Mary, died of Respiratory Distress in June
2021 – Crystal’s mother, Otha and her sister, Lesa, died of COVID-19 complications the same Sabbath in July
2021 – My sister, Ruth, died of COVID-19 complications in September
2021 – Our daughter, Raquel, died of COVID-19 complications, December 23rd!
However, I’m so glad to report, that somehow, in the midst of all that we were experiencing and feeling, God came and met us while we were in our despair. In the two years since the most recent events, God has even revealed to us the very things that kept us moving forward.
In the interest of helping others who have experienced what we have, as well as those who shall have the daunting task of navigating through such troubling waters; it is our privilege to share the six things that kept us moving in the right direction.
First, our family had to pull together, with a closeness, that was second to nothing we had ever experienced before.
Secondly, we had a loving church family at Mt. Sinai SDA Church in Orlando, Florida. God knew this experience was coming. We would need the comfort that this particular church could provide. They extended love to us in absolutely remarkable ways. The pastoral staff was incredible in its support too.
Next, the promise of the presence of God was a present help to us.
“The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all. He keepeth all his bones: not one of them is broken,” Psalm 34:18-20.
In addition to these, I am a self-taught woodwind player of both the Flute and Saxophone. I cannot tell you enough how valuable these instruments were during this tumultuous time.
Further, the promise from God Himself. Hebrews 13:5 is more than a scripture; it is the real deal!
“Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”
Furthermore, there were certain songs that spoke to our situation. “Yet Still I Rise” by Yolanda Adams, and “Even In the Rain” by Maurette Brown Clarke, were a present help at that trying time.
Lastly, the consistent Bible study of my wife, before all of these losses transpired laid a foundation for faith. My wife inspired me with her devotional Bible study and prayer life. Her morning worship of God is unrelenting. When the losses happened, she took a momentary hiatus from it, but not long after the funerals, she picked it up again. I believe it has been her source of strength for many years.
We still have our moments and much of our focus is on our self-care, but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through Jesus Christ! It is our prayer that this missive will be a blessing to all, if, and when your bough breaks. Keep us continually in your prayers.
