By Amanda Blake

Cooperative, selfless co-parenting is an essential part of effective child-rearing in all family structures, whether married, cohabiting, separated or divorced, according to a 2021 study titled “Co-parenting and child behavior in the context of divorce: A systematic review.”

While a home with two loving parents is the ideal scenario for every child, many children live in circumstances where parents are separated for some reason, resulting in various living arrangements that can impact their emotional well-being. In 2010, The Pew Research Center conducted a study chronicling the trend that has developed over the decades.

“Children in America are growing up in a much more diverse set of living arrangements than they did a half-century ago,” researchers noted at the time.

“In 1960, nearly nine-in-ten children under age 18 resided with two married parents (87%); by 2008, that share had dropped to 64%. Over the same period, the percentage of children born to unmarried women rose eightfold, from 5% to 41%. Far more children now live with divorced or never-married parents, and the number who live with cohabiting same-sex parents, while still relatively small, has grown over the past two decades.”

Parental separation places children in an especially vulnerable state of change and can create immediate and long-lasting adverse effects, including higher chances of developing depression and anxiety, experiencing a drop in academic performance, and having marital problems as adults. But these effects are not inevitable. To lower a child’s risk of such negative consequences, separated parents must prioritize the child’s/children’s needs and present a unified front. Learning how to do so is necessary now more than ever for black households, as black millennials are more likely than other groups to live with a child and no spouse, according to the Pew Research Center. The following are co-parenting tips compiled from a variety of resources.

The daily responsibilities of child-rearing can be challenging and unpredictable, so maintain a flexible schedule. Remember, what’s best for the child is most important, and having a parent show up, regardless of the circumstances, will make him or her feel loved and secure.

Rules at your home might differ from those at the other parent’s abode. Since you have no control over what happens outside your domain, distinguish between your preferences and your child’s needs. When there are differences of opinion about child-rearing, seek areas of compromise as long as your child’s well-being and safety are not a risk.

Regardless of your relationship with the other parent, your child must maintain a healthy bond with them, if possible. When the child is with you, he or she might need and want to keep in touch during holidays. You can facilitate that connection by encouraging phone calls, video calls, text messages, DMs, or emails. This is especially important if the other parent lives outside of the vicinity.

A shared online calendar or app can help keep parents up-to-date about school events and other activities, including medical appointments. It is also important to inform the other parent of any emotional or mental issues the child may experience. Both parents working in tandem can alleviate some of the stress the child might feel due to the circumstances.

Develop a schedule as far in advance as possible, divvying up the holidays and listing special events. Try to be even-handed so your child can spend quality time with both families, including grandparents and other extended family, throughout the calendar year.

For a video with more tips on how to co-parent successfully, visit here.

AMANDA BLAKE is a journalism major in the School of Journalism and Communication (SJC) at Southern Adventist University. She is also the editor-in-chief of the Southern Accent, the university’s student-led newspaper. She wrote this article as part of an Interactive Journalism class at the SJC.