By Andre Hewitt

Psalm 127:3 tells us that “children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.” Although parenting is a rewarding experience, it does come with challenges. Below are some common challenges parents face and suggestions on how to approach them.

Discussing Sexuality/Gender Identity

Helping your child navigate questions about their body, sex, gender identity, or sexual orientation may be uncomfortable. Parents may struggle with listening over correcting.

Try this: Provide a comfortable and safe place for your child to verbalize and process their thoughts and feelings. Do not aim to find a solution during the first conversation, but simply listen. Repeat back to your child the thoughts they have expressed. Keep the lines of communication open so that you can advise once trust has been established.

Combatting Drug Use/Vaping

Talking to your child about drugs may be difficult, especially when its use has been normalized by your child’s peers or society. Bringing up the concern with your child, or knowing how to get them help can be tricky.

Start here: Recognize there are several reasons why your child may turn to drug use. These may include anxiety, depression, or fitting in with peers. Remember that drugs are not the real issue; just a symptom of the real issue. Seek opportunities to understand their motivation for using drugs. Validate how difficult their lives may be and suggest healthier ways to cope. Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

Talking about Dating/Navigating Relationships

Discussing dating and relationships with your child may be difficult for parents because you may simply not be ready to accept that your child is at the stage of building romantic connections.

You set the stage: Encourage your child to express their feelings without judgement. Instead of dismissing their thoughts as being premature, affirm the fact that having romantic feelings and a desire to date is a normal part of life. Your willingness to discuss these subjects openly will encourage them to turn to you for guidance instead of their peers. Remember to define your expectations and boundaries.

Instilling Self-Esteem

As your child goes through stages of maturation, it is often accompanied by awkward emotions and phases that may impact their self-esteem. Your child may compare themselves to friends, siblings, celebrities, and social media personalities. Trying to boost your child’s self-esteem may be fruitless if your affirmations and views toward them seem overly biased.

Be intentional: When your child verbalizes not liking certain aspects of their bodies, or questions their abilities, reassure them that there is nothing wrong with having these thoughts. Be purposeful in randomly complimenting your child’s appearance. Be intentional about telling your children how beautiful or handsome they are inside and out. Most importantly, remind them of Jeremiah 1:5, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, and before you were born, I consecrated you…”

Resolving Conflict Between Family Members

Conflict may arise with your child and another family member. Whether it’s a sibling or even another parent, the tension can zap the energy out of home.

Huddle: Hold regular family meetings or discussions. Healthy conflict resolution is a learned behavior. In the meetings, give each person an opportunity to share how they feel without interruption. Then have each person share what they heard the other say, and what they feel they can do to address the other’s concern. This exercise helps children learn how to listen and understand the feelings and thoughts of others. “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18 NLT).

Merging Parenting Styles

Parents may not always agree on how to raise their child(ren). This may cause friction between the two parents, as well as parents and the child(ren).

Team up: Parents should commit to discussing their parenting strategy regularly. Be willing to understand what’s important to your partner and communicate what’s important to you. Compromise in areas where you disagree. Always present a united front in front of the children.

Co-parenting After Separation/Divorce

Co-parenting amidst a separation/divorce can add strain for all parties. Depending on how amicable the break-up, children may feel caught in the middle, and parents struggle with keeping the kids out of the drama.

Solution: Focus on what’s best to restore as much peace and harmony to an already fractured family. Put personal grievances and feeling between you and your former spouse on the back burner to work towards creating a system that works for everyone. In some instances, it may be best to use a mediator to help facilitate the process.

Developing Your Child’s Spirituality

Helping a child develop a relationship with God for themselves does not always happen as organically as parents would hope. Children may not always grab ahold to their parent’s faith as naturally as parents hope.

Abide: Isaiah 54:13 says, “All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.” God reassures us that He will speak to the hearts of our children. Your role as a parent is to introduce them to God and provide opportunities for them to grow in faith. Most importantly, live an authentic Christian life in front of them. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Helping a Child Navigate Anxiety/Depression/Suicidal Thoughts/Self-Harm

Your child may struggle with processing their mood swings managing anxiety or stress, as well as suicidal thoughts. As a parent, it may be overwhelming trying to help a child navigate negative emotions.

Don’t Delay: Children struggling with suicidal ideation and depression need to know that these thoughts and feelings are not abnormal and that they won’t be judged for having them. The goal is then to offer support in finding a more healthy and safe solution other than suicide or self-harm. Find them a Christian therapist with whom they can talk freely, immediately.

WHEN YOUR CHILD MAKES A MISTAKE

When your child makes a mistake, regardless of the extent, it may be difficult to help them “bounce back.”

Mindfully train: Pouring into your children during a major setback is crucial. Children need to be reminded of their value, and encouraged to forgive themselves. It’s also important for them to know that you have not given up on them, and believe they will get through it. “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged,” Colossians 3:21.

As parents we must hold on to Proverbs 22:6 “train up a child in the way that he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” We may struggle with whether we are equipped for the training. Check out the book Child Guidance (p. 79), by Ellen G. White. Sage advice reminds us that children will be happier, far happier, under proper discipline than if left to act upon their untrained impulses.

ANDRE HEWITT, MA, LPC is a licensed professional counselor and writes from Pine Forge, Pennsylvania.