By David and Beverly Sedlacek

piritual abuse is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. It is characterized by a systematic pattern of coercive and controlling behavior in a religious context. Spiritual abuse can have a deeply damaging impact on those who experience it.

Congregations can abuse pastors. Pastors can abuse congregations and congregants. Congregants can abuse one another.

And spiritual abuse is connected to other forms of abuse such as sexual abuse, human sex trafficking, physical abuse, emotional and verbal abuse.

Because of its highly damaging potential it is important to identify, early, some of the warning signs of spiritual abuse. They include manipulation and exploitation by spiritual figures in power positions, enforced accountability, censorship of decision making, requirements for secrecy and silence, and coercion to conform (which translates to your inability to ask questions). Further, the requirement of obedience to the abuser and the suggestion that the abuser has a “divine” position plays into the power imbalance that enables the abusive relationship. Isolation as a punishment should be questioned, as should be a sense of superiority and elitism.

Inventory your experiences to see if you’ve been subjected to spiritual abuse from others:

• Was the Bible or other religious writings used to make you conform?
• When you’ve been hurt, has religion been used to discount your reality (e.g. you’re just not being submissive enough, you just need to pray more or have more faith)?
• As a child, were you shamed or condemned when you asked questions of your parents or spiritual leaders related to spiritual beliefs?
• Have your spiritual leaders ever told you that they are the only ones that can correctly interpret spiritual writings?
• Did your family behave one way at church, synagogue, or temple and then behave differently at home?
• Did you experience abuse of any type (emotional, physical, sexual) by a spiritual leader?

Our research has indicated that there is a strong correlation between the following addictive practices and the items of spiritual abuse listed above:

• “I over-indulge myself,”
• “I use alcohol or drugs to help me feel better when I am upset,”
• “I eat unhealthy foods or eat too much when I am upset,”
• “I lose money gambling, but continue to gamble anyway,”
• “I spend too much money shopping, but shopping makes me feel better.”

David Sedlacek, Ph.D., LCSW, CFLE, and Beverly Sedlacek, DNP, PMHCN-BC, a happily married couple with more than six decades of combined clinical practice that uses biblical principles as the source for emotional healing and an “ebony/ivory” approach to counseling are co-founders of HIS Rest Ministries.