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“When people set boundaries with you, it’s their attempt to continue the relationship with you. It’s not an attempt to hurt you.”
– Elizabeth Earnshaw
– Elizabeth Earnshaw
By Erica Jones-Biddings
etting boundaries allows you to practice self-care and self-respect and will enable you to communicate your needs to others. Furthermore, it sets healthy limits for your relationships at church and beyond, allows you to feel heard, acknowledged, honored, respected, and conserves your emotional energy.
A big part of setting personal boundaries is learning when to say no, (Titus 2:11, 12). I think we can safely conclude that in addition to ungodly influences and worldly practices and passions, it is ungodly to let others put stress on you.
Saying “No” is as easy as just saying “No thank you,” “Maybe next time,” or “My schedule is full right now.”
To set your personal boundaries, identify the most important things to you. Ask yourself, “What is important to me?” and “How do I want others to treat those things?”
Whenever someone would cross my boundaries regarding those things, I would politely say no, or explain by saying, “I’m not comfortable with that,” or “Please don’t do that,” or “I draw the line at_.”
5 STEPS TO SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
- Pray before you do anything. Identify what is important to you.
- Understand why this is important to you and why you need each boundary.
- Be respectful. Explain your boundaries using a calm and polite tone.
- Never apologize or give long explanations.
- Address boundary violations early.
AFFIRMATIONS FOR HEALTHY BOUNDARY SETTING
- I don’t need to explain every decision I make.
- How people treat me is their decision; how I react is mine.
- I can participate in church activities at the levels I decide.
- I can respect the feelings of others and still respect my own.
- I don’t need to accept every invitation to an argument.
- I do what I need to do to keep my light so that I can continue shining it on those around me.
- I can stand up for my beliefs without disrespecting someone else’s truth.
- It’s OK; I can spend time alone without explaining myself.
ERICA JONES-BIDDINGS, MS; ED.S, is a retired Educator with over 30 years of experience. She is a Counselor, an international speaker, and the author of two published books. She writes from SW Ranches, FL.