John and April Nixon
Bridging the Orgasm Gap
“The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife”
(1 Corinthians 7:3-4, NLT).
BY JOHN AND APRIL NIXON
utual sexual satisfaction is something we should be trying to achieve in our marriages just like we endeavor to improve our communication, patience, and emotional attentiveness. After all, sex is a physical sign of a spiritual reality. Therefore, you should strive for openness, unselfishness, and generosity in the physical aspects of your relationship, just as you already do in the spiritual areas of you marriage.
The sad reality is that many Christian couples are not working on their sexual fulfillment at all. Whether it’s because of shame, shyness or not wanting to hurt their partner’s feelings, many couples simply don’t discuss the topic in their relationship. But make no mistake; this is a prevalent issue in Christian marriages today because so many just don’t see eye to eye in the bedroom.
According to Shiela Gregoire, Christian author of The Great Sex Rescue, “… 95% of men always or almost always reach orgasm during sexual intercourse while only 47% of Christian women do.” This phenomenon is called “The Orgasm Gap.” That is the difference between how often men climax during a sexual encounter as compared to women. And according to the statistics, the gap is a whopping 48 points.
Many couples are experiencing one-sided fulfillment in the bedroom. And if Paul is telling husbands and wives that they need to be concerned about each other’s sexual fulfillment, then he’s really advocating for mutual satisfaction. Christian married couples should aim for mutual sexual satisfaction with every physically intimate encounter they have with each other. But the orgasm gap proves this is often not our intent.
Photo by © Ron Lach from Pexels.com
Today, we have four tips on how to close the orgasm gap in your marriage. And to make things go over easier, we’re using a basketball analogy (we hope you like sports):
1. Remember the Pregame Warm Up: As we mentioned in our previous article, foreplay is very important. Husbands are usually ready to get right into the game, while wives typically need to warm up before they head onto the court. But both parties will certainly benefit from warming up. It may be necessary to put in some effort in the locker room, beforehand, to ensure both players are in the right frame of mind for the game. Figure out what works for your partner to see if they need to warm up hours or minutes before the game (Pro tip: pregame warm up for your spouse may not be physical).
2. Know the Playbook: In this context, your spouse’s body is your playbook. If you are going to have success in the game, you need to know the playbook very well so that you’ll know what to do at game time. You have to understand the ins and outs, what works and doesn’t work, where to move and where not to move. The best way to do this is to study and experiment to better understand what gets your partner to finish the game strong.
3. Include a Postgame Interview: Once the game is over, it’s always good to find out how things went. That’s when the postgame interview is extremely valuable. Get comfortable talking to each other afterwards to know how well you performed. It is very important to give your spouse a safe place to share their true feelings about the game in order to make adjustments for future wins.
4. Don’t be a Bench Warmer: We know players can get tired and need time to rest, however in order to be a good teammate, you have to be ready to get in the game as often as you can. It’s OK to sit on the bench to catch your breath or heal from an injury, but bench warming is not the goal. Remember the Bible says sexual fulfillment is a part of your job description as husband and wife. You can’t adequately fulfill your partner from the bench, so be determined to play often.
Mutual sexual satisfaction is not as elusive as it may seem. You simply need to be giving, unselfish, and generous with your spouse in the bedroom. The problem might just be that you’re not meeting the challenge directly. If you have the courage to talk about it you may find that the solution is within your reach. After all, the Bible advocates for mutual satisfaction so it must be possible to achieve by the power of God’s Holy Spirit. We’re rooting for you!
