How To Enjoy Your In-laws During the Holidays
hether you live close to your in-laws or not, the likelihood that you will at least see them during the holidays is high. And for some, the prospect of having to face the in-laws makes the holiday season more stressful than it should be. Instead of a welcome table full of laughter and laid-back conversations, you anticipate wry smiles, fake laughs and tense conversations. Rather than an exciting gift exchange, holiday carols, and kissing under the mistletoe, you predict thoughtless gifts and silent treatment nights.
We often underestimate the power of our chosen mindset, not realizing that our anticipation of a negative experience will often manufacture that outcome. Proverbs 23:7 says, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…” (KJV). It’s a self-fulling prophecy. We think it’s going to be a terrible time so it ends up being so.
Plain and simple, most of us don’t have nightmare in-laws. But even for those that do, following these simple tips could make your holiday season more bearable.
And since our mindset can impact our behavior, we realize that we really do have control over ourselves. There is no need to display a negative reaction every time something irritates you. Proverbs 12:16 says, “Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult” (NIV). So decide to be patient, pleasant, and personable.
Accept them for who they are. Your in-laws are different from you. They come from a different place and they have different experiences. If they were more like you, you wouldn’t be having this problem. Stop trying to change them, and instead, accept them for who they are. Get to know their backstory. Find out where they came from and what shaped their lives to make them into who they are today. There’s something in their story that will give you insights into why they act the way they do. This will help you accept them and maybe even appreciate the role they play within the extended family. The Bible says, “Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God” (Romans 15:17, NASB). Acceptance is an essential part of any healthy relationship. Make sure you acknowledge that reality this time around.
Remember they are family. Keep in mind that your in-laws are related to the man or woman that you love so much. They share the same DNA with your spouse. They are family, and family treats each other with love, kindness and respect—not because they deserve it, but because they’re family. In his book, The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren makes a great point: “In a family, acceptance isn’t based on how smart or beautiful or talented you are. It’s based on the fact that we belong to each other. We defend and protect family.”
This is why the apostle Paul says, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10, NIV). You are related to your in-laws through marriage, and it’s time for you to start treating them like family.
The reality is that we all have little quirks and annoying little habits and traits that are difficult to deal with. And, how you think about these things can set the trajectory for your relationship with your spouse’s extended family.
So be determined to do things differently this holiday season. Adjust your mindset, and see just how effective it can be against having a miserable time over the holidays. After all, your in-laws may need to adjust their mindset about you as well.
