Many have church hurts that are decades old. Some hurts have altered our perception of religion and blurred the image of God.
It’s possible that it was the one-sided church expulsion of the pregnant young lady, while omitting to acknowledge the flaws of the young man who impregnated her.
Perhaps it was a spiritual figure that took advantage of our youth in an obscene way.
Maybe it’s just the culture of pettiness that is pervasive in many of our fellowships.
It could be that we are just disappointed by the church’s inability to reconcile the gospel in the context of race and gender.
Church hurt takes many forms, and the only thing I’m certain of is that each of us has our own story. I just want to propose that we don’t revel in church hurt. I want to suggest that we don’t allow our hurts to have the victory. The gospel will not allow our hurts to be greater than our hope or our healing. Below, I’m proposing two practices for dealing with church hurt.
One of the reasons church hurt stings so deeply is that we inflate expectations for people in the church. At the end of the day, however, church people are still just that, people.
Whether it is a deacon, deaconess, elder, or pastor, all of us are clothed in a fallen nature. And there is nothing that is beyond possibility for any person, no matter how talented, charismatic, or even anointed. There is an interesting dichotomy, because we should hold leaders to high standards yet give them grace. God does not call leaders once they are finished, He calls them while they are still under construction.
This is evidenced even in the heroes of the Scriptures. God called bigoted Peter while he was still under construction. He called lying Abraham while he was still under construction. He called the harlot Rahab while she was still under construction. He called murdering Saul/Paul before a foundation was even laid.
This is not a call to become critical or suspicious of church, people, or leaders; it’s just a reminder that our ultimate faith must be in the character of Jesus Christ. In fact, church hurt (in many ways) is a part of our spiritual development. It is God-permitted so that we ultimately shift our focus away from people to Christ, permanently. It is actually an illuminating moment that helps to strengthen our faith if we let it.
The mistake we often make is to try to judge the worthiness of the offender. Forgiveness is not about the worth of the offender, but rather about the soul health of the offended. The forgiveness that we receive is a result of God’s goodness, not our worthiness. The forgiveness we offer has to be a response to God‘s goodness, not the worthiness of the offender. Forgiveness is not doing the offender a favor, but it is doing yourself a favor. There is no path to internal peace apart from it.
Forgiveness does not get easier with time. With time, the offense only hardens, stiffens, and metastasizes, leaking resentment and bitterness into the crevices of the soul.
Forgiveness is the process of releasing the soul fetters that the offender has tied to you. It is an internal process that flows out of the grace that we have so abundantly received.
Marital hurt is inevitable. Family hurt is inevitable. Professional hurt is inevitable. In the same manner, church hurt is inevitable. Hurt results from being in close proximity to people.
My prayer is that this generation can move beyond the experience of church hurt and move to a place of church healing.
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