By Sarah Buckland

tear came to my eye when I read of the tragic suicidal death of Cheslie Kryst in January. Although I never knew Cheslie, something about her story resonated with me. Perhaps it was her ambitious aura, or her intellectual achievements at such a young age, or even her curly locks much like my own. Kryst was a beautiful and precious soul that had exuded much in public life but battled to achieve balance internally. Had I not been surrounded by Christian support systems, and not been personally grounded in Christ, I thought to myself, this could have very well been me.

I have had struggles maintaining a balanced perspective in career pursuits and valuing others’ opinions that all led to anxiety, moodiness, and health breakdowns in my past, even as a Christian. In parallel, digging beyond Cheslie’s tragic headlines, stand as a stark reminder to me of the importance of seeking fulfilment, purpose, and joy in Christ alone.

As I perused the description of Kryst’s Instagram page, I saw the post “God first.” This led to me wonder: What could have led this successful youth who acknowledged God to make this life-ending decision?

Although what led to Kryst’s tipping point escaped our view, her post pre-30th birthday essay, provided glimpses, factors that could have contributed towards that tipping point that we can all learn from. Somewhere amid accomplishments and public acceptance lay her personal measure of her worth. High expectations and ambitions drive so many to push past healthy limits to attempt to achieve these expectations.

My own breakdown came in 2017 while I prepared to upgrade my masters to a Doctorate in Geography, all while trying to build a career on the side. When Kryst said that in the pursuit of two degrees she was nearly “working herself to death” I could identify.

As a Christian and a preacher’s daughter, the spiritual habits of active outreach and daily devotionals, gave me the ‘feeling’ that I still had my life in the right balance and perspective. However, in my zeal to accomplish my goals, including ministry, I neglected proper stewardship of the body that God gave me. After a sudden and severe health episode one night, the stress that my body was suppressing erupted. I began battling swinging blood pressure, irregular heartbeat, moodiness, and extremely low energy that led to being basically bedridden for a month. These symptoms didn’t fully resolve until several months later. This event drastically altered my outlook and continues to shape my approach to work ever since.

In the Christian community, detecting and treating perspective imbalance is a rarely dealt with topic. I believe this is due to the likely assumptions and accusations of an underlying “faith deficit” that would follow. As a fellow ambitious millennial like Kryst, I identify with the societal pressures on our generation. So, it is imperative that the church be adequately equipped to respond to those suffering, both within the church and the wider society.

While anxiety is by far not a new phenomenon, the issue continues to grow to pandemic proportions. For instance, a survey published in Harvard Business Review in 2019 revealed that 50% of millennials and 75% of Gen-Z’s leave their job due to mental health issues. According to the American Psychiatric Association, the average anxiety levels by recent generations of children would have been diagnosed as requiring psychiatric asylum according to 1950’s standards.

For overachievers, the situation becomes more complicated, as our drive to ‘achieve more’ is often idealized by society, which encourages us to further push beyond healthy boundaries, even in “ministry.” Three brief lessons have helped me in my own journey to restore the peaceful balance that God intended for me and for you.

Constant high stress and anxiety are not prized attainments

While being goal-oriented is necessary for productivity, constant high stress breaks the balanced hormonal design that God intended for our bodies and can lead to chronic anxiety and even depression. In my case, while working toward my terminal degree, I often felt that if I did not finish the evening having gone to my limit of tiredness, I did not do my best for the day. In fact, I gained a sense of accomplishment going to bed tired after doing all I could fit in for the day. But when my body broke down, I truly realized the depth of the value of scriptural insights for living. Not one Scripture supported my attitude in overworking. Instead, I saw Jesus inviting us all to lay down our heavy burdens in exchange for His rest (Matthew 11:28-29).

What makes the Christian formula for success even more profound is that it does not deny the pursuit of an “abundant life.” What it does, instead, is to proclaim there is no need for us to struggle in our strength to achieve this abundant life – Jesus came for that purpose (John 10:10). No worries were necessary. No need to wonder if we are doing enough (for ourselves or others). Just holding on to God was the recipe to live the abundant life I was trying to live.

My next big takeaway from Kryst’s story and my experience is the importance of priorities.

Our priorities matter, big time.

During my school career I won many trophies; but during my breakdown, while unable to do any work, all the trophies felt like vanity to me. One wonders whether Kryst’s memory of her accomplishments in education, beauty, wealth, and fame did not seem like a good enough reason for her to hold on to life during her final moments. For many of us, this can be difficult to digest, but just as King Solomon mentioned – all worldly achievements (yes, even our ‘education’) are passing away. At some point, we all face the reality that this world and its activities are going to end one day. Without a firm faith in God’s promises, this reality is enough to cause even the strongest of us at the epitome of material success to feel there is no point to toil any further. If we find our worth grounded in worldly things, our hope also becomes mortal.

Even as a Christian, one can get carried away with our work priorities and pin our worth on our perceived productivity if we are not careful. This is even true when working in ministry and outreach. For me, on the day of my breakdown, I had gone with my family as usual to serve at elderly homes earlier in the day. I knew all my work and school ambitions were to serve God , and that did make a huge difference in preventing my anxieties from deteriorating further into depression. Nevertheless, while thinking I was serving God’s will, my actions were destroying the very body God gave me! I found that my overly busy lifestyle greatly infringed on my most valuable time I could ever spend on this earth: personal quiet time alone with God. When I realized this was my area of deficit, I worked to seek Him first, and have found this first makes a significant difference in my joy and peace (Matthew 6:33).

A third lesson led me to re-evaluate my source of worth which can determine their destiny.

To truly thrive, we must look beyond ourselves and beyond the material accomplishments to find our worth.

As I perused through Cheslie’s very accomplished YouTube channel, the first quote struck me: “Hair, beauty, and pageants are my life!”. Through my own journey too, there have many distractions that try to lure my pursuits to focus on the material. However, no matter the recognition attained, there is always a void left if God is not in it. Feeling like a failure and crumbling under pressure are inevitable if our source of strength and worth depends on something material. What’s more than this, are the limitations we place on ourselves if we work in our own strength and look within for problem solving. Because we are inherently limited as mortals, success from our own strength will inevitably be short lived than would have otherwise been achieved by relying on our Creator who has no limits!

During my downtimes, one Scripture that completely renewed my perspective was Psalm 127:1: “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman wakes but in vain.” For me, this Scripture summarizes one of life’s most important lessons: We can work and do all in our power, but if God is not in it, the endeavor will eventually fail. This means I don’t have to pressure myself for success to come. When this hit me, I felt a sense of relief – that I would do my part and completely leave it for God to do His Will.

As I reflect on Kryst’s final Instagram wish for our day to be filled with rest and peace, I think of the very same wish by Jesus Himself for all His creation. What if in that defining moment Kryst could have seen the outpouring of Jesus-like love that has come around the world in her memory? What if she had leaned in to the loving presence of the Father that constantly reassures us in His Word that there is purpose ahead to fulfil?

Perhaps it would have changed something. While we mourn this dear loss, other ‘Cheslies’ out there need to know the grace and purpose-filled love, with a perspective of living each day with eternity in mind. For all those discouraged in this moment, although you may feel alone and purposeless, as long as God gives you breath there remains a wonderful purpose that the Creator meant for you to personally fulfil. Your hardship will prepare you to help others later. Don’t let anything make you lose your faith.

In my own journey, amidst the stresses that continue, I endeavor to deliberately decide daily to live these Scriptural lessons while pursuing my goals. This has significantly brought a brighter perspective in finding lasting purpose in life on God’s terms, not mine. May we all learn to remember our Creator in the days of our youth, and endeavor to follow God’s precepts for a truly abundant life (Ecclesiastes 12:1;12). As Cheslie has wished, may the peace of God be with us all.

SARAH BUCKLAND is a Christian ministry leader from Jamaica, certified in Biblical apologetics and also a social science researcher holding a doctoral degree in Geography.