By NOAH WASHINGTON

or the purposes of this conversation, I want to create a blueprint for healthier sexuality.

First, as a foundation, recent studies indicate the destructive and harmful results following consumption of pornography. In a 2023 article published by Michal Privara and Dr. Petr Bob, online pornography consumption, mainly in the male population, is closely linked to compulsive sexual behavior. Further, porn leads to conflicting emotional experiences and identity problems. These, in turn, significantly increase the vulnerability to more addictive sexual behavior and pornography consumption.

If we believe that men are the only ones who digest pornography, a 2020 article published by Athanasia Daskalopoulou and Maria Zanette should debunk that theory. Women have as much interest as men in the transgressive and the visually objectifying dimensions of visually erotic content.

Many individuals, arguably, experience sexual ill-health or dysfunction, or may have never learned about sexuality in its proper context.

Sex Comes from God

Sex and sexuality are a God discussion. I think one of the reasons why the enemy may want us to continue placing sexuality in an improper context is because even he knows what a powerful gift God blessed us with when we were created.

Sexuality is Influenced by Your Family

In Matt Chandler’s book, The Mingling of Souls, he writes that God gave the man and the woman the gift of sex, and the physical body and sexual intercourse weren’t just random happenings—they were gifts from God. Similarly, Jack and Judith Balswick allude in their book, A Model for Marriage, that our sexual orientation is shaped by our family background, experiences in childhood, and parental and sibling relationships.

Sex Education Begins in the Word

Many individuals have not had the best education concerning healthy sexuality—even in the church! The conversation about sex and sexuality begins in Genesis 2 where we see God introducing the man and the woman to each other and then the man and woman in conflict in Genesis 3 after the fall concerning their connection with each other. The dichotomy we are experiencing now is the fact that God created us with sexual desires, but since Genesis 3 we have struggled with how to meet those desires in His intended way. Myles Monroe, in his book The Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage, shares that sexuality was built into our very essence as human beings and that we are actually hardwired for sex.

Get a Hold on This Thing

How can we offer support for people when topics surrounding sex, sexuality, and challenging behaviors surrounding them have been difficult to talk about? Dr. Timothy Wong, in his article, “Understanding and Managing Compulsive Sexual Behaviors,” informs us that we have never experienced a time in America where diverse sexuality has been more socially acceptable. And because it has become part of the mainstream culture, as reflected through explicit coverage of sexual behaviors in media, movies, and magazines, sexual expression has become a form of accepted entertainment akin to gambling, sporting events, or even watching movies.

How do you live a powerful and productive life in the Spirit with such a strong pull from society, one that contradicts whatever biblical or spiritual directives given? What help is available for individuals who are struggling with sexual strongholds?

Come Out of Sexual Strongholds

• Find a good community. Whether it’s a trusted friend or a group of similar individuals, create a community that allows you to experience a more abundant life. Isolation presents many levels of threat to wholistic living.
• Find a good hobby. You would be surprised how many people don’t have things they simply enjoy doing. If we are honest, watching television or binge-watching series television has turned into the go-to for recreation and enjoyment. Find things to do where you are not looking at a screen all the time.
• Don’t be afraid to admit you need help. All of us need help in at least one area of life. It’s part of being human. Needing help is what makes us human. We are actually leaning into our humanity by requesting help. It’s a sign of maturity.

God’s desire is not that we would just have life, but that we would have it more abundantly. Stay tuned until next time as we continue the conversation about family and things we are not talking about.

NOAH WASHINGTON, D. Min., pastors Miracle City, a faith community in Baltimore, Maryland. He specializes in couples’ ministry and the science of modern dating.