By JOHN AND APRIL NIXON

exual satisfaction is a big consideration in any healthy Christian marriage. We believe it is a key ingredient of the total intimacy that couples should strive for, and it should be this way based on Scripture.

Paul says it plainly, “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs” (1 Corinthians 7:3, NLT). But there are various obstacles to getting this right every time in the marriage bed, and that’s understandable.

No one is perfect and can’t be expected to perfectly satisfy his or her partner 100% of the time. But some couples fall short of this goal consistently, and these are the ones we want to focus on. Is it possible that some couples are misaligned in some way? Is there such thing as being unequally yoked in the bedroom?

Let’s face it, some couples are at different places sexually, but it may not have always been this way in their relationship. Our sex drives change over time and this may create a misalignment in our sexual needs at any given point in our marriage. For instance, a man’s testosterone production typically begins to decline at the age of 35. This is the hormone he needs for sexual arousal. Around that same time research reveals that a woman’s sex drive is the strongest.

If the two of you are the same age, it’s clear how this new reality might create an issue in the bedroom. And there are a myriad of other issues besides libido that could create what feels like an impossible chasm between husband and wife sexually. Things include opposing sexual desires, work related stress, raising small children, mental/physical health challenges, or one having more sexual experience than the other.

But there must be a way to remain sexually satisfied in your marriage despite changes like these. Here are some considerations to help bridge the gap that might be created by your differing libidos:

CANDID CONVERSATIONS

We believe firmly in the power of communication. Husbands and wives should have an open and candidly honest dialogue about their sexual expectations, especially if they’ve never really been voiced before. Talk about what arouses you and share your fantasies with one another. This may take courage because you may reveal something about your desires that you think your spouse won’t like. Or, you might be afraid that your partner will see you differently because of your request. Agree at the beginning of the conversation that you will both reserve judgment and that you’ll keep an open mind.

ADJUST EXPECTATIONS

Now that you’ve had the candid conversation it’s time to adjust your expectations. You and your partner are not the same, so it stands to reason your sexual expectations would be different, even if only slightly. If you’ve had the honest discussion about each of your true sexual needs, the next step is to adjust your expectations to incorporate the new information you just gained.

TEST IT OUT

Once you’ve discovered each other’s bedroom likes, its time to test things out. Don’t make up your mind about the new activity until you’ve tried it, at least twice. It will be so new the first time that you may not be able to determine it’s worth the first time around. Decide to incorporate one of each of your different desires into your next session.

SCHEDULE IT

Don’t underestimate the power of planning to help build anticipation in your sex life. Life brings constant distractions and things get so busy that we often push our sexual activity to the bottom of the priority list. But if you schedule your next encounter, including the new things you’ve discussed, you’ll look forward to that day and time during the week. You’ll also have a chance to get your mind ready for the new additions to the routine.

There are many reasons why a couple might get a bit off track in the bedroom but it doesn’t necessarily mean they are not right for each other, or unequally yoked. And in the end, there is always more you can do to ensure sexual satisfaction in your relationship.

JOHN and APRIL NIXON are content creators with a passion for relationship coaching. You can catch them live every Wednesday night at 9 p.m. EST on their Just John & April YouTube channel. Follow them on IG and FB @justjohnandapril.