ost men spend their lives wondering what women want. It’s probably the single most asked question by men. In fact, it was Sigmund Freud who said, “The great question that has never been answered…despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want?’” It’s an elusive subject, to say the least. Most men assume women have a long list of things they want in a man, like: 1. Must have money; 2. Movie star looks; 3. Cooks and cleans. However, this is far from a woman’s mind when she thinks about what she really needs from her man.
When it comes down to it, all women want trustworthiness. That may seem obvious, but there’s much more to this idea than simply not cheating on your spouse. Let’s start by defining the word. Trustworthiness – “deserving of trust or confidence; dependable; reliable” (dictionary.com). Women want to be confident, secure and able to rely on “her man.” They want the kind of man Jesus was when He “loved the church…[and] gave up his life for her” (Ephesians 5:25b, NLT). This is how “husbands… [must] love [their] wives, just as Christ…” (Ephesians 5:25a, NLT). Christ demonstrated trustworthiness for men everywhere and reveals the secret thing that all women need from them. Here are five practical ways to improve on your trustworthiness for your woman:
1. Be Reliable – This can be something as simple as picking the kids up on-time from school, to more involved things like making sure the family is financially stable. Put simply, reliability comes down to keeping your word. When a wife hears her husband say he’s going to do something, she wants to trust that he will do it or die trying. This provides the security and safety she needs in the relationship.
2. Be Emotionally Connected – Your woman wants to know she can trust you with her emotions. This is so important to her that Shaunti Feldhahn says, “Your woman needs emotional security so much that she’ll endure financial insecurity to get it” (For Men Only). This is much more important than most men even realize. So, be present when your wife seems like she wants an emotional connection with you. Put away the usual distractions and turn toward your woman to show it’s all about her.
3. Be Understanding – Feeling understood is important because it reinforces your woman’s belief that you care about how she’s feeling. This act will help her to know she can trust you. She is not looking for a fix to the problem or to get advice. She just wants to trust that her man will side with her, giving her words of understanding. Shaunti Feldhahn says, “Acknowledge and affirm her feelings about the problem. She deeply needs to know that you understand how she’s feeling.”
4. Be Chivalrous – Chivalry is really about caring for your significant other’s physical well-being. And this is vital to a woman’s belief that she can trust her man. One study reveals that, “High stress [situations] cause men to get less fearful, [while] women…become more fearful and are more likely to be afraid in the future” (The Man’s Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the Love Lab about What Women Really Want by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams, et al.). This means she will respond differently from the way you do when faced with potentially dangerous situations. That’s why “opening a door for her, pulling out her chair, and walking on the traffic-side of the street all signal that you care about her and are willing to protect her” (The Man’s Guide to Women). These are all outward signs that you care for her well-being, and serve as evidence that you want to protect her heart also.
5. Be Confident – Women are attracted to confidence in a man, but they are repelled by arrogance. As Gottman says, “Confidence comes from being secure in your abilities. Arrogance comes from being insecure in your abilities” (The Man’s Guide to Women). When men show that they are comfortable in their own skin, it gives a woman confidence that she can rely on him. But more powerful still, is a man’s confidence in God’s ability to do anything. When a man points his woman back to the Most High for strength, courage and ultimate authority, her feelings of security go to another level. A godly woman knows she can trust a godly man because he puts his trust in God.
So men, you may have thought what your woman really wants is very complicated, but it turns out it’s really not. Strive to be trustworthy in all that you do. If you are who you say you are and you do what you say you’ll do, your woman will be able to rely on you. That’s the secret thing every husband needs to know about his wife.
